I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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