Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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