Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
