Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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