U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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