i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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