either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
