dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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