I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
