trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
