My room smells like vodka and shame
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
COCAINE IS GR8
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
