i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
