your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
