Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
