Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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