Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
