Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He felt like a one man threesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
