Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Two words: blizzard sex
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
