fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
