dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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