your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
