There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
