Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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