sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Small penises have feelings too.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
