good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You left your phone here
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