Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Found the puke drawer
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
