I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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