You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
