so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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