Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
