Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
