shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
