I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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