Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
