He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
