Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
