I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
