I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
