You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
