i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I intend to get homeless drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
