Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
