Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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