I think I just saw someone hide a body.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
