I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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