Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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