I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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