id be glad to
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
