you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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