Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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