my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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