I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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