He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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