She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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