I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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