he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
