I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
