where am i from again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
