I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
