whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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