I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
