just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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