Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
