I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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