do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
