My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
