i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
