I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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