Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
