mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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