I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
