Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
