Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
