Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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