Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
